It’s funny how this blogging thing goes. I start out, all revved up to write, all excited by the encouragement I receive, with millions of ideas. And that lasts just about three weeks for me, until all of the adrenaline from the beginning peters out and I’m just plain tired. The blank page looks more and more like an enemy and less and less like my friend. (That little blinking curser? I think it’s out to get me).

When I get to the heart of it though, it’s not that I don’t want to write anymore, it’s that I am afraid to write. The fear is overpowering the love of what I do. Now that people are reading and sharing, I feel the pressure of eye watching, minds judging, fingers wagging. I feel the desire to write something new and exciting. I feel the tug to start promoting and sharing, to come up with a media plan and start submitting proposals. I feel the fear that I will fail at something that I have always wanted to do.

Instead of motivating me, fear paralyzes me. I have begun circumnavigating my blogging, walking a wide arc around my keyboard. Every other activity seems more appealing. Last night I chose cleaning my bathrooms instead of sitting down to write a blog. The voices in my head have become so loud, I can’t hear myself think.

Pressure. Paralysis. Both come from fear. Neither come from love. Fear overwhelms my hope to share God’s word, to reach out, to connect, to live honestly, to be who God made me to be. When I look around at how I might fail or what people might say, I’m not operating out of hope or love. I’m operating out of fear.

Where else is this happening in my life? Where else is fear overshadowing love and hope and action? I can see it in my relationships with people. I see it in my relationship with God. Fear distracts me from what’s important, what’s true, what’s real. It is a horribly powerful emotion.

Saying no to fear is no easy task for me. It means saying no to my ego and pride. No to the devil and his distractions. No to the easy way out.

And saying no to fear means saying yes to other things: yes to sitting down and writing, yes to taking God at his word, yes to praying, yes to one foot in front of the other.

When I think about all the stories in the Bible, I love that God uses so many people who were afraid, just like me: Abraham, Moses, Jonah, the disciples. Their stories are full of trying and failing, but also following and succeeding. I love that God assures us that real success is not conquering all, but learning to follow Him in faith…to say yes…in whatever he calls us to do.